I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
