Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
