why didn't you poke me back
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
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