those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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