You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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