what if every blade of grass was a penis?
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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