love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
