that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
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