No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
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