You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
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