she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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