You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I think I won the penis lottery.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
