1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
