oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
