Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
