I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
He has the fingertips of a God
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