when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Randomize
