Betty ford says i'm here all night
I think I am morally bankrupt
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
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