So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
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