He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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