i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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