My hair reeks of homosexuality.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
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