so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Randomize
