the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I need to sanitize my soul.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Randomize
