He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
home. puking in laundry basket.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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