I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
