My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
stop calling my apartment porn island.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Randomize
