You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Randomize
