Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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