So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
