Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
You are the jesus of drinking
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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