oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
