Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I love having hate sex.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Randomize
