After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
