"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
i came on her dog
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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