Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
