i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
