I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
