you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
