so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
But theres a keg here and me gusta
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
