We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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