Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
