once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
