Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
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