dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
