I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
