I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
