fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Randomize
