hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity�
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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