yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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